Hey guys, it’s me again.
I know. WTH? Where have you been? I have been… places. Some that were nice, some that weren’t, and others that were so grey, I still feel foggy.
So, my last few posts, I talked quite a bit about getting married. What about BEING married? It’s a job and a half. And having kids makes it harder I imagine, especially if you and your spouse are not on the same level. Then again, when your husband is a kid himself, you feel more than ready by the time that test comes positive.
I don’t have kids yet. I wouldn’t mind, though. I guess they aren’t ready for me. Go figure.
Whatever your frame of mind when it comes to starting a family, it always sucks to be asked why you haven’t had them, as if you can just snap your fingers and they appear. Or you write a letter and, boom, next day delivery. It’s never that serious. It’s also not that simple. Anyway, you get my drift. It’s not cut and dry for everyone.
2018 was a HARD year for everyone I know. There are very few people I know who can say that it was great for them. Everyone was hit hard in one way or the other. Some lost jobs, some got sick, some had to do some major downsizing just to get by; yeah, it was bad.
I feel that 2018 was bad to me. We have had a fiery trial in the last half of the year, and I was afraid I wouldn’t make it into 2019 with my sanity intact. Not much has changed, but I am sure glad that year’s gone.
So I decided in 2019 to look for myself again. I realized that I was becoming quite different from the person I was previously (at least on the inside). Of course I would have think creatively since I can’t do what I used to do with our current household income. I have faith that things will look up though.
The first thing on the agenda is my faith. When things took a downturn, so did my optimism. I was angry at God, I was angry at everyone I felt was not helpful to me. I became withdrawn and a real melancholic. Very little could cheer me up. So when the annual prayer and fasting came up, I jumped in. Unfortunately, it is hard to live with a person who loves eating and who refuses to eat alone. So I have not done well so far. Thirty-three days to go!
Another thing is exercise and sleep. Two areas that have been poor. I have not done well in either for months. Exercise? Maybe a couple of years. Sadly, hubby only wants to jog. I HATE jogging. I makes my chest and jaw hurt. I prefer walking or skipping, ’cause it’s gentler on my frame. So wish me luck.
I also want to read more, so I have been forcing myself to sit down and read at least two pages a day, because I have become accustomed to being entertained by screens. Sitting down to a book is SO HARD when you have enjoyed the convenience of the Internet for so long. You prefer short clips and articles and skim through long articles. Today I forced myself to read an article talking about sunscreen, and why it should not be a staple. Controversial, I know. I never liked the stuff anyways, plus I spend so much time indoors, I rarely need it.
Blogging is obviously next. I have neglected my chosen outlet by doing nothing. Writing was always a way for me to collect my thoughts and keep it together. Unfortunately, when I changed campuses in my second year of university, my roommates felt that I was emotionally unstable and in need of counseling because I kept a journal. I know, right? Anyway, I eventually moved to another hostel where I could use my free time to journal, which wasn’t much. I was quite social by the time I left campus. Also, when I look at my stats overall, I had a lot of time to write, and I wrote about everything. After I got busy, then got married, and things started changing, I guess I fell off the wagon.
My husband and I decided that 2019 was going to be a year of intentionality. We were going to be more intentional in our marriage, in how we relate with family, in making and maintaining friendships, and in building ourselves. We already made some good progress so far between ourselves and with some friends, but the year only started. Let’s hope it only gets better.
I am gonna leave it at that for now, ’cause it’s late (past midnight) and I promised myself I was going to sleep early. Before I go, let me just wish you a happy New Year and may your cup never run empty.
Vicky's Tinted Spectacles 